My sweet night

So tonight was very good. My boss asked if i could accompany a very famous violin piece called "Adoration" for church on Sunday. Having played it on violin, i quickly agreed, as it is a beautiful piece. Really really gorgeous. Here's a story.

Once upon a time, a 2-year-old Jessica saw an orchestra play at church. She pointed to the cello section and said "Mom, I want to play that." Her mother told her that someday, she'd play it. However, her parents were very poor, and when the time came for Jessica to start playing music, (age 7) her parents could only afford to buy her a little violin, not the cello she'd been dreaming of, because her brother played violin already and had all the books, as well as an inexpensive teacher the whole family loved. So Jessica started violin under the pretense that she would not be playing that particular instrument long, and would move to her beloved cello soon. She progressed rapidly at the violin, having heard these pieces since she was a tiny baby, and got through the first two "Suzuki" books within a year. She went to her parents, inquiring as to when she could quit violin and start cello. Then her parents decided that she was too good to quit violin, and forced her to continue playing it, not starting her on cello at all. They did, however, start her on piano at this time, which she did love. She begrudgingly continued playing violin, and started playing in youth orchestra, and got involved in violin things. Over the next few years, she started playing solos in church on both instruments, but was known mainly as a violinist, because she took violin lessons at somewhat prestigious schools, Macphail school of Music, and Augsburg College music program. She kept moving up in youth orchestras, and spent her years of high school in the top two youth orchestra levels in MN. She was concert master at Kennedy High School orchestra. She played in weddings, funerals, and string quartets.

Too bad she resented the violin for not being the cello. She hated it. She found the violin to be a "naggy" instrument, not deep and beautiful like the cello, nor full and vibrant like the piano. She applied to Valparaiso University as a pianist/violinist, and was told that as a violinist she'd get much more scholarship money. So she did violin there, too, and received a LOT of money because of it. Because of being in orchestra, though, she didn't get the opportunity to sing in choir, which she wished she could do. It was hours and hours of violin playing in an orchestra less talented than the youth orchestra she'd been in in high school, though her position was considerably higher (3d chair, first violin, compared to youth orchestra where she was generally 8th chair, second violin. To be fair, in her youth orchestra, the top two violinists were accepted to Juilliard and Manhattan.) But so college found her to still not be doing what she loved, which had turned its focus from cello to piano. She still took piano lessons and played at a local church choir and accompanied voice lessons, but couldn't accompany the Valparaiso Chorale, much less sing in it, two things she really wanted to be doing. Feeling stuck doing what she never intended on doing in the first place, she transferred from Valpo to Bethel University, where she'd be closer to family, Kris, and her beloved nephew Ros. 

She never told Bethel she played violin. She recieved absolutely no music scholarships, because no schools like to give money to transfer student pianists, evidently. Interestingly enough, after telling the music faculty that she only played piano and sang, when she was auditioning to sing for Bethel choirs, she finished singing her piece and sight-singing a hymn. Here's how the conversation went:

Dr. Port: "Jessica, do you play a stringed instrument?" 

Jessica: "Why do you ask?"

Dr. Port "You sing like a string player. And you sight-sing like a violinist, actually."

She was accepted into the Bethel Women's Chorale, kind of the garbage choir of Bethel, the rejects for Bethel Choir, possibly because of lack of experience. She never figured out what singing like a string player meant. However, she didn't have to play violin anymore, and felt deliciously free. She didn't touch the violin, but for a few weddings, since she put it away when she was at Valpo her last concert, Beethoven's majestic 9th symphony. Since then, she would not admit to playing violin and would downplay its role in her life on every occasion possible.

First person again: So tonight i was looking for my old "Adoration" part, and found it and the piano part. i thought it might be fun to revisit it on violin, so i pulled my dear violin out again. And i opened it, and it wasn't something hateful at all. It was my beloved Merrick (yes I named it) and it was looking back at me like "Why have you forsaken me?" And i played Adoration on it, and despite my very rusty technique, especially my horrible vibrato, IT still played as pure and true as it could. And i apologized to it afterwards. And will continue to play it, so i can get back up to feeling like my vibrato doesn't sound like a beginner and my shifting doesn't sound like sliding again. And i feel like a more complete person. The piano part is so pretty, and i was able to play it without much pausing, and that will be great. But the real victor was my relationship with my violin. i think the reason i hated it was because maybe i thought it was taking away from my piano playing, but now that i am known as a piano player, playing violin again has brought back memories and made me realize it's wonderful. Maybe being with something 20+ hours/week makes you forget about its good qualities or something. You could probably relate that to marriage, too. Well, after coming back to it, i definitely don't want to let it go.

People that aren't musicians may not get this blog. Probably won't, actually. But i feel like i rediscovered something powerful. I  feel rediscovered, even. Man. Good stuff.