Question for moms

Hello, moms out there! i need advice, and i figured i'd take from your experience, if you'll be so kind as to share.

i realized that when Cadence is born, there will be times where out in public, i won't be able to fully control David. There will be times when i need him to stand still, or not run around and instead stick close by me. 

He doesn't "get" that, yet. He doesn't come when i call, and if i am not holding him or if he is not strapped in a stroller or cart, he runs around and doesn't stay by me at all. He's got too much to see, i guess!

Anyway, i've been considering training him like i once did my dog: maybe keeping a box of those dollar store mini nilla wafers on hand, and calling him at intervals throughout the day. When he comes, he gets a cookie. then, then after he is coming every time for a few days, maybe only giving him a cookie 1/3 of the time, until he just comes when i call. 

Do any of you have better ideas? Also, what advice could you give me on how to make him stay close to me in public while he's on his feet? i know it would be easier to just hold him or keep him in a stroller, but he's gotta learn sometime, right? Or do you think 16 months is a little early?

i just need to get to a point where he understands "stay" or "come", and obeys me without my having to run out after him all the time. 

Please let me know what you think!

Post it note blogging

i haven't been blogging lately. i really miss you guys! But naps and things have been kinda top priority lately. 

Big congrats to my two friends who have just recently had babies: Kristine, with her darling baby Parker, and Liz, with sweet baby Mallory. i can't wait to see those babies!  i've got fresh new batteries in my camera, and a blank memory card, so ladies, let me know when i can come get in on the newborn deliciousness!

Tomorrow, David and i are going strawberry picking with my friend Mandy and her daughter Hazel. Mandy is due next Thursday. If she gives birth this weekend, she will be friend #3 to have a baby this week! My pregnant friends are dropping like flies!

i was very fortunate to have gotten an opportunity yesterday to do a focus market research survey and get paid $150 cash. You know, God's really funny, because He helps me out, and i always forget to ask! This week, i was thinking "i need more money, but it has to come easily." And then i thought "i'll try praying about it." So i did. And then i got the call to do the research thing. It's things like that that make me laugh, because whenever i remember to ask, stuff like that happens every time. 

Lately, it has been my personal struggle to remember to talk to Kris about my problems, before i tell my mom, or you guys, or anyone else. Have any of you ever felt that way? It's my habit to just go to my mom with my problems, and then tell Kris later. He gets really mad about it, and i don't blame him. He's my immediate family now, you know? Anyway, i've got stuff going on that i just found out about tonight. But i won't tell you (even though i want to!) because i've gotta talk to Kris first. i'm worried to talk to him. i don't want to add to his stress level, because he's already doing so much. Sigh.

On a happier note, David is really cute. He has learned to crawl up onto the couch and the recliners without any help from me. He also does this cute little dance, with a huge smile pasted onto his face when he does it. He likes to dance in the kitchen, probably because the floor makes a good amount of noise when he stomps his little feet. i got him some of those larger mega bloks at my friend mommytomuchkins' garage sale. He LOVES them! He stacks one on to another, and claps and giggles. He's been a very happy boy lately, which has made me a very happy mommy. 

Cadence is a crazy mover. i feel like she will be a very active girl. We'll see i guess. David was active in utero, (though not as much as Cadence) and he's ended up being a pretty chill little guy, compared to other toddlers i know. He's busy, and loves to move, but he's still mellow in his own way. i just get this feeling Cadence will be my crazy girl. Pray for me now! 

This weekend, my boss, the guitarist/music leader at church is on vacation, so Kris' and my friend Mark (Cadence's godfather) will be playing guitar. We're really excited to play with him. We all used to be in a church band together a couple years ago, and it was very fun. i can't wait till we're back together this weekend!

i've been having a lot of "mommy" moments lately. i'll be rummaging through my purse for a rogue credit card or lip gloss, and will be wading through 4 diapers, a jar of baby food, a toy car, and a sticky sippy cup before i'll give up looking for whatever i lost. Or, just now, i scratched my arm and realized it's got dried banana on it. 

Survey question: What are some "mommy" moments you all have had?

It's night-night time for me, guys. i hope you've all had a wonderful week!

Baby Mallory Elizabeth!

For all of you who migrated from my beautiful friend Liz's blog, it's a girl!

Mallory Elizabeth was born this evening, June 24 at 9:07 PM.

She is 7 lbs, 15 oz.

19 1/2 inches long.

13 inch head.

Liz was induced this morning, and after 3 hours of pushing (!) the doctors realized the baby just was too big to come out naturally. One c-section later, Mallory was born. She has black hair and blue eyes, and Liz' nose. (This is a particularly good thing.)

Mama is having some issues with blood pressure levels, so keep her in your prayers. C-sections aren't any fun to recover from, and with the added pressure of being exhausted after a full day of labor, a TON of pushing, and varying blood pressure levels, i'd imagine she probably doesn't feel that great. Or even good. From what i hear about c-sections, you mostly feel like a big truck hit you.

But the good news is, she is born! A new family is born this night.

If any of you like babies, you should go subscribe to Liz's blog, because i have a feeling there will be lots of posting about new Baby Mallory once baby and Mama get back from the hospital.

When i go visit them, i will post pictures here.



**Disclaimer: Liz' hubs, Josh, called me with the news tonight while i was at a restaurant with friends. The exact dimensions of this baby might not be exactly correct, but i'm pretty sure the ballpark numbers are correct. i also realized once i started this post that i'm not 100% sure how they spell Mallory. If i misspelled it, i also apologize very humbly to Liz and all her readers. Liz asked me to post the news, and i feel really bad to not be 100% sure about it all. i'll correct the exact details once i see the baby.

Oh, A/C.

Happy day today!

Our A/C hasn't worked this year. And it's been ok-ish, because it hasn't been that hot really....until yesterday. Holy crap, it was hot yesterday! i had the windows open but the blinds closed, so we could get some air movement going. But outside was still. And hot. And humid. The thermostat in my house read 84 degrees when i went to bed, and the thermostat was in a lower floor than my bedroom. So i was pretty uncomfortable sleeping in the heat last night. Not to mention Kris worked from noon yesterday till 8 this morning, so i was alone all night, too.

So then this morning, when Kris got back he was looking up A/C fixer people to call out. He went outside to look at our unit, and there was a stick in the fan! He pulled it out and now our house is cool! i'm SO glad he looked at it before we paid someone $100+ to come out and pull a stick out of our A/C unit:)

Last weekend, my lovely friend Liz (who will usher a human into the world any day now) gave Kris and i tickets to go see the MN Orchestra. We saw them perform Russian music, and it was divine. i haven't gone to a classical music concert in a long time, not since college when i went to them for credit, and it was so enjoyable! It was nice to get dressed up, and go out to eat (Olive Garden) and then go to a concert where you could sit down and listen to music and in general, not participate. Concerts Kris usually takes me to are the type where there is no seating and you have to jump and yell and sing along. i like the sophistication of classical music. Having been a music major, i get to enjoy classical music in a different way than most: i get to analyze what i'm hearing, instead of just listening to it. It makes it much more interesting that way!

The Orchestra did an incredible job. i love to make fun of MN Orch, because i have had issues with their tuning and their sense of ensemble, but Osmo Vänskä, the conductor for the last 5 years, has brought the orchestra together. They really play as a team, and you can hear the difference. i'm very glad they rock now.

i got bangs this week! i don't have a picture yet, but when i get one i will post it. i tend to get bangs every 4-5 years, but immediately regret them and spend the next year growing them back out. But i saw Incredible Hulk last weekend, and was inspired by Liv Tyler's bangs, so i got some cut. People are 80%/20% on my bangs. i pretty much like them, but i think they need to be retrimmed. They weren't cut very well. It's just nice to have something interesting about my hair. Straight, long, and brown was too boring. Straight, long, brown and bangs is a little better! Anyway, bangs are the #2 biggest hair commitment you can make, (a perm being #1) and so far, two days later, i don't regret the decision. i'll keep you posted:)

David has had a pretty bad cold and has been teething for the last week and a half, i'd say. They both seem to have finished a couple days ago. It was horrible! His poor little nose was red and crusty and dry and constantly running. He was absolutely miserable, and Baby Tylenol wasn't working. He wouldn't nap or eat, and i was getting pretty worried about him. Last Saturday, after waking up from a nap, his whole face, especially his eyes, were swollen and puffy, so we got nervous and took him to first care. The Dr. said he just had a cold and was teething, which is a horrible combination. She suggested we switch to Baby Ibuprofen, and that did seem to provide some relief to the poor little Manster. Anyway, he's doing quite a bit better now, though he's still grouchy. i'm just glad he's not waking up screaming anymore like he was last week!

Kris picked up about 24 extra overtime hours at Canterbury this week, so it's basically a 90 hour week for him. Sunday night he works from midnight-4 PM at Canterybury, and then 4 PM-close at Outback. He will be working 24 straight hours. He can totally handle it. Of all the people i know, he can handle non stop work the best. However, i think he gets pretty bored, and seems to be feeling discouraged lately. Please pray for him. i think he needs a little extra pep in his step, and at the moment, taking off work isn't an option. We're going to a Saints game on Sunday, which will hopefully help. That man LOVES baseball!

Cadence is being good. She is also a crazy mover. i'm only 23 weeks right now, and she already moves enough where you can see an arm or leg jut out of my tummy. i think i'm in for a very active baby! i'm a bit uncomfortable at night, but in general am feeling fine. David, of course keeps getting heavier, and as my hips widen out it's harder and harder to bend over and pick him up.

Question to moms of multiple children: did you find having your oldest child play with a baby doll helped with the transition of a new baby at all? i'm considering getting David a little doll, and being really nice to it, and trying to incorporate it into our lives, but i'm just wondering if he will even "get" that the doll and a new baby are supposed to be similar ideas. Any thoughts?

Have a wonderful weekend.

Wordless Wednesday-Just like dada!

Something from my heart

You know, something happened to Kris and i a long time ago that we are still upset about. No matter how much i try to lay aside my bitterness, it keeps coming back in little spurts.

i was wrongfully terminated. By a church.

Churches are supposed to be places of understanding, love, and forgiveness, right? Well, there are always going to be people and situations that fall through the cracks. And i was one of those people.

The main pastor of the church had gone to another church about 6 months previous to the incident. The associate pastor was to preach full time until another head pastor would take his place. The associate pastor, about 5 months after head pastor left, announced his resignation.

The church was basically being run by an "Elder board": 4 men (men were the only people allowed to apply for the position) who were voted in by the congregation. These were all great guys, but they lacked leadership skills when they were confronted with Kris' and my situation.

Playing piano at church was my part-time job, and over half my income came from it. i loved the church, loved all the people, and they all loved Kris and i. Kris often played drums on Sunday.

We found out we were having a baby. It was a weird situation. i was nervous about telling my parents and my boss, the music pastor at church. My parents were great about it. My boss was great about it. He just said "You guys need to go talk to the elder board about what's going on." It kinda made sense. They were basically in charge of the staff, and since the head pastor was gone, they held more power than the other two pastors. So we went and talked to them.

One of the first things they said was "First of all, we are not going to ask you to stop playing here." That was a relief to me. i couldn't afford to lose my job, and i loved it and the people so much.

We explained that the circumstances that got us pregnant were not right for us. We felt like we had been completely wrong in our actions, and explained that we had prayed for forgiveness and discontinued any relations until our forthcoming wedding. The elders were glad to hear it.

Then one of them, the main elder man, said "Are you asking for our forgiveness?" And we said "Umm, no. We didn't do anything to you, and we feel like what we did has mostly to do with us and God and this baby. We admit we were wrong, but we don't owe you an apology."

Main elder man was not pleased with this. He seemed to be on a bit of a power trip, because he was new to being in charge of sensitive situations. He kept trying to convince Kris and i that we owed them, the elder board, an apology.

Kris was getting upset. He was so sweet. He showed a lot of courage and character, and stood up for me, because i was cowering away in a corner. (i'm very bad with confrontation.) They gave us a sheet full of Bible verses for us to look up.

The meeting ran out of time. They wanted to meet with us again the following week. Fine with us! So i played on Sunday and got to tell people the good news: my eggo was preggo, and we were getting married in 10 weeks. Everyone was really happy for us. Really. For a Baptist church, people were surprisingly non-judgemental.

The sheet full of Bible verses? Were all verses talking about how you're supposed to obey the elders of the church, and stuff about how people who sin must be punished and blah blah blah. Kris did a LOT of research, found out that the verses about elders were taken out of context, and the sinful people meant unrepentant people, not the ones who've confessed. Then he found verses about the people who confess and how they are 100% forgiven and God's forgotten about the whole thing.

The next meeting. Elder man said "Jessica, we've decided that since you're so busy with being pregnant and getting married, we want you to take a 'restoration period' away from playing for a while."

WTF.

They wanted us to stop playing until they had decided we were forgiven enough? They felt like "God would tell them" when it was time for us to play again. They wanted us to kind of go to receive counseling from a couple from the church who'd gotten preggo before marriage.

Kris was MAD. He started talking about all these verses and all this stuff. He mentioned how the board had said they weren't going to ask us to leave. Lots of backpedaling and excuse-making was coming from their side of the room. In the meantime, i'm bawling my eyes out because, newly pregnant and engaged, i couldn't afford to lost half my income for who knows how long, and i'd miss playing terribly.

Kris and the elders were arguing for a long time. We agreed to go talk to that couple. What else could we do?

We started meeting weekly with the couple. They were very friendly, and we got along really well. But when we'd start talking about the 'restoration period', Kris would talk to them about how out of context the elders were, and that if confession and change were good enough for Jesus, why not for the elders? He was very logical and gentle. He was not being confrontational, but at the same time, he wasn't just going to bend over and pretend to agree with the elders just so we could stay there.

The couple would bring back what we said to the board meetings. The elders kept feeling like we "weren't ready." Basically, until we agreed with them, my job was being held hostage. Someone new was playing piano, and we tried to keep going to church, but it was really too emotional for me. i couldn't handle being there and not playing, and watching main elder man listen to the sermons on forgiveness, nodding his head like he agreed.

The congregation was angry, too. A lot of them were really upset with what was being done. Someone i know from the church said "Jessica, there are two kinds of people. Those who are caught, and those who aren't." i have a feeling that quite a few people went up to bat for us, but the elder with the power just wouldn't give up his own pride enough to let us back. A lot of people left the church around the same time, though i think it also had to do with other weird situations that come with not having a main pastor.

We stopped going to talk to that couple. We were busy and had premarital counseling to attend, plus Kris was working two full-time jobs to save and to make up for what i was losing.

It wasn't worth the heartbreak and the frustration anymore.

We got married at that church. It was free, and we wanted my boss to perform it. (He was so great. Too bad his hands were tied with the whole job situation. He ended up leaving a few months later.) We got married there, and then i don't think Kris and i have been back. i went back once when David was new, so everyone could see him, and i've also been there because i played for someone's wedding.

i've got a new position in a different church. i'm glad to be some place where everyone is accepted where they're at. If someone screws up, the church embraces them more, not pushes them away until they're repentant enough publicly.

i'm not angry at the church. It's not the organization's fault that we fell through the cracks, or that we were put under the leadership of someone simply unqualified to handle our situation. But it saddens me that this incident might have made someone else leave the church, or think badly of Christ because of a human mistake.

i've learned a lot from this situation. The church is run by humans, and you can't blame God for the inappropriate actions of others, even church leaders.

i learned how great of a man Kris is. He stood up for me and studied and rallied for us no matter what. It made me very comfortable having him be the head of the family. i don't think it's necessary for the man to be the head of the family. But i know it's what i want for our family, because Kris fits in that role well, and i do not. i fell much more deeply in love with him during that time. No matter what hard times we have faced in our marriage, none of them have been as hard as what the elders of that church put us through. And Kris was such a mature, passionate partner through it that it made me even more grateful to have him. Many men would not have withstood half as much.

Christians: please love one another. Love people if they do things you don't agree with. Love them if they seem to be having a hard time. Care for them when they're going through tough circumstances. It's our job to be God's blessings in the world. Please love everyone, no matter what religion, and don't be quick to judge them negatively. You don't know where they came from or what they're going through. Remember you've got a log in your own eye, too.

Love each other.

Love each other.

Two kids? It'll maybe be ok.

Yesterday Kris was teaching CPR to a friend he used to work with, who is a nurse and needed to get recertified. She has a 2 1/2 year old daughter, Ava (or Eva, not sure how to spell), who i kind of watched while her mom and Kris were watching inane CPR videos for 5 hours.

You know what? It wasn't so bad! i have never watched two kids so close in age, but Ava was so sweet and played very nicely with David, and of course, he adored her. She has curly light brown hair that clings in baby ringlets to her head, and to top it off, has the most pronounced dimples and you melt when you see her.

But all three of us played in David's room for a while, then i decided to take out the double stroller and take the kids to Mc D's to return a redbox dvd. The double stroller is way convenient. It's very heavy and a bit awkward to turn, and will definitely be a work out for me to use it, but that's not a bad thing. It was so great not to have to stay in the house, or have to keep track of a kid wandering off while pushing a stroller. There's a good amount of leg room for both kids, too, though David did have a tendency to grab Ava's curls from behind her. i can't blame him:)

When we got back, David had to nap, so Ava and i pulled some toys out on the deck and she played while i read. She did get cranky a while later, but i can't blame her. There's not a ton for an older toddler to do at my house, especially with David's room being off limits while he napped. Plus she was there for hours without a nap.

But the thing was, they entertained each other. i think they're couple months closer in age than David and Cadence will be, but it encouraged me a lot that they were great together. Also, i'm looking forward a little bit to David talking now. Sure, it will be annoying sometimes with the constant "whys" and things of that nature, but she understood what i told her and was able to follow instruction and carry on a very simple conversation. That'll really help David and i, i think. He's starting to get pretty frustrated that he can't communicate what he's feeling.

i made a really yummy pizza for lunch yesterday. i'll make it again and post pictures and a recipe. What i'm the most proud of is that i used the bread maker and made a good pizza crust, instead of buying one.

Last night was very stormy. There were flash flood warnings and tornado watches up the wazoo down here in the South Metro. Probably the most dire of all the weather predictions we've had since we moved here. Kris had to work at Outback last night, and how cute was this? He left for work, with instructions for David and i to go down into the laundry room if we heard sirens. i was a little worried, because we didn't really have a radio or anything downstairs or a flashlight if that were to happen. Then about 20 min after he left for work, he came home with a pink umbrella for me, and a hand cranked and battery powered flashlight, with am/fm/weather band radio, and alarm function so people could find us if we were buried from our house busting in. It sounds silly, but it was super romantic. He spent all this time teaching it to me, then he made sure i could do it myself before he left. He wanted us to be safe, even if he'd be late to work. Isn't that sweet? i love him. :)

This weekend should be good. My friend's daughter is turning two, so David and i are going to her party tomorrow. Then on Sunday we have a friend's grad party. Those parties will mean two good things: free food and seeing people we don't get to see very often. Yay!

i hope you all have a nice weekend. If you get a chance, drink a margarita for me. i miss them so.

What a weekend!

It has been a really long time since i've been able to blog or read blogs. i'm super sorry! i've missed all of you, and i do plan on reading your blogs and commenting, i promise. It's strange, actually, how i did all this stuff this weekend, but i really don't feel complete because i haven't told you all about it:)

Thursday: Bloomington City-wide garage sales! Remember when i told you about them? It's a highly anticipated part of the year for me. It was awesome. My mom and i took David all morning, then she watched him while i went all afternoon. There were 113 garage sales on the Bloomington list, and then i'm sure there were way more that didn't pay the entrance fee and just had sales at their houses anyway. i drove all around Bloomington, and it was great.

My mom got me a black version of this double stroller. It also is cool enough to work with the infant car seat we have. Plus, it was only used twice, i guess, so it looks new and was half the price of the retail one. Thanks mom!

i got all these girl clothes at a few separate sales for under $60. There are so many cute ones! Those boxes are completely full, by the way. Plus i got David some summer clothes, one of which says "I heart mommy." It's his first mommy outfit, and it's about time!

Friday: Kris spent all day helping his parents prepare their house for my brother-in-law's wedding on Saturday. They completely redid their back yard. i mean, they used a Cat digger thing and everything. They also redid their basement, like knocked out all the walls and made new rooms and pulled up and redid all the flooring. It turned out very well, but it totally went down to the wire.

David and i went shopping for black dress shoes for him. We stopped at Once Upon a Child and couldn't find any in his size 4, so we went next door to Payless. She had him stand on the little measury thing, and to my horror, he's a size 5 1/2! So i've been sticking his poor feet into shoes 1 1/2 sizes too small for him for who knows how long. We bought some $15 shoes at Payless, then went back next door to buy him sandals, because we didn't have any shoes his size at our house any more. We found two pairs of sandals and a nice dress black pair totaling $7! i was able to return the shoes to Payless and get him shoes that would no longer kill his poor toes.

Also, that day my friend Mark and i practiced for the first time for the wedding. (He's marrying my beautiful friend Devin in October. They will be Cadence's godparents.) He played classical guitar to my violin. He did really well considering i'd just bought the music that day, so he was literally sightreading.

Saturday: the wedding. Went to pick up the dress i'd borrowed from a friend from the cleaners. It was not ready. So i bought this dress, which looks a little bit less like a muumuu on me (for now) than it does on that lady. Plus, it's so comfortable. It will definitely be a warm weather staple this summer!

Then i rushed to my parent's house, ate a little lunch with Mark, and we were going to practice, but i'd forgotten my music. i was all sorts of wonky that day. Anyway, i ran to the store and bought another set, which was cheaper than the gas and time to go to my house. Then we practiced.

Then we went to the wedding. My inlaws live on a lake. Lake=wind. So even though we'd brought clippies to keep the music on our music stands, they were not sufficient to stand up to lake breezes, and we made quite a spectacle of ourselves, trying to keep playing while the edges of our music were blowing onto itself. At one point, Mark was holding his music open with one hand, while playing his guitar with the other. It went very well, considering.

Brides: if you must get married outside, please don't do it near a body of water. Or at least, please provide a person whose sole job it is to keep music open and on stands. Thank you.

Anyway, John and Irene got married and i now have a beautiful new sister-in-law! They are very sweet together, and they had this cool unity sand ceremony i've never seen before, but like a lot.

The reception was very nice. i didn't get to see Kris much, because he was best man as well as the DJ, but it was very homey and had Greek food. Yum!

The groom was walking and didn't see David, and David made a faceplant into some cement, leaving a nasty swelly bruise on his poor cheek, my cherub. Luckily, i'd never given him soda before, much less undiluted soda, so the pure Sprite i put in his sippy cup to appease his tears quickly put an end to his scare.

Here is the only picture that we got taken with our camera at the wedding. i wish we could have done more, but anyway, here's our newest family picture. Notice David's cheek.

Sunday: Kris and i played at church, then went to my parents house and played Wii until Kris had to go to work at 4. David fell on a ramp in my parents backyard, and he got another nasty swelly bruise, this time on his forehead. Today, when we went to Target, i was just praying no one would call CPS because of his poor battered face:)

It was very busy for me this weekend, but nice. i look forward to reading about all my friends' weekends now!