Hello, moms out there! i need advice, and i figured i'd take from your experience, if you'll be so kind as to share.
i realized that when Cadence is born, there will be times where out in public, i won't be able to fully control David. There will be times when i need him to stand still, or not run around and instead stick close by me.
He doesn't "get" that, yet. He doesn't come when i call, and if i am not holding him or if he is not strapped in a stroller or cart, he runs around and doesn't stay by me at all. He's got too much to see, i guess!
Anyway, i've been considering training him like i once did my dog: maybe keeping a box of those dollar store mini nilla wafers on hand, and calling him at intervals throughout the day. When he comes, he gets a cookie. then, then after he is coming every time for a few days, maybe only giving him a cookie 1/3 of the time, until he just comes when i call.
Do any of you have better ideas? Also, what advice could you give me on how to make him stay close to me in public while he's on his feet? i know it would be easier to just hold him or keep him in a stroller, but he's gotta learn sometime, right? Or do you think 16 months is a little early?
i just need to get to a point where he understands "stay" or "come", and obeys me without my having to run out after him all the time.
Please let me know what you think!
9 comments:
I'll be interested to read other people's comments on this one, since I'll be having a baby and toddler soon. I did watch a little boy the same age as Lexi and when I would go out with both of them I would do one of two things, either put them both in a shopping cart, or put one in a stroller and one on one of those harness/leash things. Some people might think they are cruel, but it helped when I was trying to walk across a parking lot with two 22 month olds who wanted to run in opposite directions!
What we plan on doing with Lexi is either putting her in the shopping cart, and the baby in the sling, or using the harness with her. I know it's not teaching her to come when we call her, but it's teaching her to stick by us.
Either way, I hope someone has some advice on how to get them to come when you call. Lexi does sometimes, but not all the time!
My first two are 20 months apart so we dealt with this, too. I always brought a stroller or shopping cart for the big boy because even though he was walking the threat (you will ride if you don't stay with me) was always there. I also taught him to stay where HE can see ME not the other way around. He wouldn't be able to figure out how to stay where I could see HIM. I also made sure to go to the malls early when the stores were mostly closed. That way he could only go forward or backward and I could see him even if he was quite a bit ahead of me. This gave him some time to run and then could have snack in the stroller once the stores opened and I could shop. Hope this helps.
Here's my humble opinion:
I think your expectations are a little high, but they are in the right place. A lot of people don't think that 16-month-olds are capable of obeying or not. They think they're just babies and don't understand, but that's not true.
Ashlyn is 17 1/2 months and she can clean up her toys and come when I call, but not all the time, and not without close watch. We're heading in that direction, but we're not there.
So, let me say that I think you're doing a good job to think about this now instead of when he's 4 and already trained to not obey.
One thing that is important to me is that my children learn to obey the first time I say something (trust me, this isn't easy, nor does the training ever really stop!).
The way I try to accomplish this is to tell my baby something, and "help" her obey by directing her hands or feet immediately. If you repeat yourself over and over before taking action, you're training your child to not listen to you the first time.
So, if I say, "Put this away, Ashlyn." and she walks away from the toy bin, I catch up, physically turn her body and walk her over to the bin. If she doesn't let go of the toy, I ease it out of her hand, and then offer tons of praise as if she did it herself.
This takes a lot of supervision, and it's not easy. I'm not even saying that I'm succeeding as much as I'd like, but it works well, when I'm consistent with it.
As for being in public, I'd say that Jes has a good idea with the harness. I don't think public places are not the time to learn obedience. When David listens to you consistently at home, you could think about removing the harness and doing hand-holding.
Sorry this was forever long. Hope it helps you.
Hi! Just passing through, and loved the question. I think the cookie reward thing is a good idea :)
I've got 3 boys...7, 5,&3 and from my experience, it wasn't until each of them was close to 3 before they could fully understand to stay by me (which doesn't mean that they still don't wander off now and then! I think when they're really young, their impulse control is just not developed enough to stay!
But who doesn't like to be swayed back with a cookie!?! I'd go anywhere if people fed me oreos ;)
Best of luck to you!
I'm going to have to agree with Sara Chia on this one. She's got some good insights, there. I'll have my mom take a look at your question and see what she has to say...
But you also have to keep in mind that good behavior can't be bought; treats have to remain that, treats, not rewards.
As an aside, ever thought of one of those "child leashes" with a harness? Everyone says that if you don't give a child unlimited freedom, then you're just a mean parent... but it's a dangerous world out there, and a little boundary never hurt anyone. I baby sat for a few kids who were "leashed," and it saved a lot of worry.
And, here I go saying this... ever consider giving David a smack in the bum or on the hand? Introduce negative consequences to bad behavior as well as reinforce good behavior with positive consequences.
I'm not sure about this one. I kept my girls in the stroller as long as possible. I would just hold my oldest daughter's hand or have her keep one hand on the stroller at all times.
Your experiment is very interesting. Let us know the turn-out.
Glad to have you blogging again.
I am interested to see what happens with the cookie thing. I am also interested to see if there are more responses. Since we are kind of in the same boat with Graycen being 22 months (almost) and a baby.
I have no idea, of course, but I wanted to wish you luck!
I don't know how he feels about strollers, but maybe a double one would be helpful.
Hope you're doing well! Have a lovely day :)
my 1st 2 were 22 months apart and personally...and this is only my opinion...take it for what it's worth...I think your son is too young. My oldest learned real quick that staying in the stroller was NOT an option. It was for his own safety and my own sanity. He sometimes kicked and screamed and carried on like most 2 y/o kids do and I was ok with that....I'd rather deal with a restrained kicking and screaming child then trying to drag a kicking and screaming child through a store by hand. I just ignored him and he eventually learned that his behavior would get zero attention from me. And within a few weeks he was a heavenly child who always stayed in his stroller willingly. I always kept a bowl of cheerios handy to snack on and toys handy to play with. He was content.
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