This is a breastfeeding post. i'm just putting that out there. If you're squicked out by reading about breastfeeding, don't continue reading please.
Cadence was 8 lbs. 5 oz when she was born. When she left the hospital, she was 7 lbs. 15 oz. At her 5 day checkup, she was 7 lbs. 13 oz. 7 day? 7 lbs. 11 oz. The Dr. had me see a lactation consultant, who said i was doing well and to supplement with formula for one day, but was satisfied with my production. We saw the Dr. again today, and Cadence had only gained one ounce since Thursday, and she's supposed to gain an ounce a day.
The Dr. tried feeding her a bottle, to see how she eats. It turns out, Cadence is what the Dr. calls "A Chewer". She'll suck swallow, suck swallow, and then release the latch. Then she chews a few times and will suck swallow again. So even if i've been making enough, my breasts don't give her enough milk because she's not sucking correctly for them to function properly. Her skin is getting dry and she's dehydrating before our very eyes, poor thing.
So now i've got to pump and feed her with a bottle, to train her to eat properly as well as monitor the amount she's eating. Hopefully she'll learn to eat better with the bottle and we'll be able to go back to the breast, but the Dr. was very bleak and said "chewers" don't tend to ever learn to breastfeed correctly.
Before i had her, i told myself i would breastfeed as long as it wasn't a hassle and we were both enjoying it. Well, not enjoying it. Wanna know a secret? i don't really like breastfeeding. i've never seen it as a real bonding experience. But as long as it was going well, i was prepared to keep doing it, because i think it is better than formula, though i really don't have anything against formula. It solved David's acid reflux problem right away and he's hardly ever been sick, either.
So anyway, i said i'd do it as long as it was easy. It has been 11 days and it's already not easy. i can't imagine that i'll have the ability to pump 8 times/ day for who knows how long until she may or may not be able to breastfeed again.
i've got a great pump, and i'll try it for a while. Please pray she learns how to eat, most importantly, so we don't have to worry about her shriveling up into nothing, and secondly, that she will learn how to breastfeed so we don't have to worry about any of this anymore.
i just feel...like a bad mom or something. i almost cried in the doctor's office. i know it's not my fault and that it happens, but knowing that for the last 11 days my sweet angel hasn't been getting nearly enough calories to sustain her makes me feel awful.
:(
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1 month ago
9 comments:
(Hugs) Boy have I been in your shoes! And being post-partum doesn't help things either!
When I had my first, I breastfed for 4 weeks and I was miserable (hated doing it, was exhausted, son didn't latch good, mastitis in BOTH breasts...) and three important people in my life said things that made me realize that I had to do what was best for my baby AND me.
My doctor said, "If you're a happy mom, you will be a better mom... regardless of what you feed your baby. I was formula fed, you were formula fed, your husband was formula fed, and we all turned out just fine."
My husband said, "Don't worry about the cost of formula. We're going to have to pay to feed this kid eventually anyway. And it'll cost a lot more than the price of formula to feed him when he's a teenager."
My friend said, "At least you have a good reason to quit breastfeeding. I quit so that I could start smoking again."
Those three people really helped me realize that I was just not into it. I didn't even attempt to breastfeed my twins when they were born. Everyone has been healthy (hardly any sickness at all!) and I was a MUCH happier mom for it!
Best wishes! Enjoy that precious little girl!
~ Christina
Oh jessica. You have me sitting here crying and if it weren't for the fact that you have a newborn at home right now, I would be calling you. :(
I know I just posted this on your facebook message, but babe, it's not your fault at all. You're not a bad mom and it's nothing you're doing wrong. You also wouldn't be wrong to give her formula if you should decide to stop. Neither of my kids are/were breastfed adn they are just fine.
You do what's right for you (and Cadence, of course)
I will be thinking about you - a lot! If you need to talk, don't hesitate to call me.
Have you tried just pumping until your let-down comes and quickly letting her latch on? May get milk everywhere for a bit, but if Cadence is getting milk quickly, she may learn to suck better on the breast instead of the bottle.
Also, remember that nursing (like EVERYTHING in parenting) is a "long haul" kind of thing. The bonding doesn't come right away. For me, it wasn't until a few months, when your baby can look at you and you can read the comfort in your eyes that she now knows can come only from her mommy. (Daddy comfort is cool, too, but a different variety than mommy comfort.)
Either way... you're not a failure. If you do choose to switch to formula, don't beat yourself up over it. But if you WANT to keep nursing, I think there are ways you can make it work.
(I would also suggest listening more to the lactation consultant on these issues than the doctor. This may sound rude, but doctors are trained in medicine, not natural processes. Their first advice usually involves medicines or other synthetic solution, instead of nature's answers. Lactation people tend to be more encouraging in the breastfeeding and know more creative solutions than doctors do.)
Jessica- Do not feel awful! You are such a good mommy and you're doing the best you can. There is no condemnation here- you need to do what's best for you AND baby.
Tag, you're it! Hop on over to my blog to see what to do! :) Holly
You are definitely not a bad mommy, how many of us (myself included) had bumpy starts with breastfeeding. Even if you or the baby takes to it like a pro, it is rare for both to hit it off. My MR was a champ feeder, but me? I was a low producer. I remember how awful and guilty I felt when I realized that we needed to supplement. I kept up with the breast and bottle routine for six and a half months, and maybe half of that was what I would call "easy". Just know that whatever ends up working for you and Cadence, you are doing the very best that you can.
oh Jessica! I feel your pain. Learning there is something not right/normal with the way your baby eats is hard to hear. I had to pump and bottle feed both of mine for a while, they both eventually got back on the breast but it wasn't easy. Keep trying, but don't EVER feel like a bad mom if you do decide to use formula. Do what is best for you both! sending hugs and prayer!
You aren't a bad mama at all! You're doing your best, and you're seeking help. That's what GOOD mamas do!
Sorry you're going through this. I know breastfeeding isn't easy. I'm sort of scared.
Hope things get better, no matter what you decide.
I'm sorry it isn't working out for you. I hope that the pumping works and doesn't make you insane.
I hope things are getting better. Even if you supplement with formula and only breast feed/pump a little each day, it's still better than nothing. And most of all, you have to do what makes you both happy. My first didn't breastfeed well, and when she literally refused to at 2-3 months, I was very relieved. My son refused to use a bottle until he was 3 months old, and then only under great protest. As long as they are getting something, that's all that matters.
Good luck, hope it's gotten better!
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