No longer waiting

Hi.
Many of you who might read this are friends with me on facebook. Not sure why i'm posting this here, then, when i could write this there, but this is kinda personal. More personal than i'd like my old high school friends to know about, even though it's not a huge secret or anything.
i've come to a conclusion today.
My whole life has consisted of trying to get to the next place, the better life, the better job, the better me.
i've been constantly on the verge of something. "When (fill in the blanks) happens, i will be happy".
Well, some of that stuff has happened. But it never happens in the way i want it to. It never magically makes me better or happy or content. It never makes my kids less stressful, it never decreases my need for coffee in the morning or makes me better at being friends with other moms or makes me wake up and feel like cleaning. My life has changed in a lot of ways but i somehow haven't changed into that person i think i will become, given the right circumstances.
i'm tired of hoping something will happen to inspire me to be the person i think i should be.
So i'm done being on the verge. This is my situation. i'm here. i need to stop wishing and waiting and hoping and just deal with the fact that this is the way it is.
i'm married, living with my parents, my kids are on the edge of being out of control, and i'm broke. So many happy things, so many rough things, all interweaving themselves into making my life this way.
i will no longer rely on my life changing to make me happy.
i have been moping around for years and i'm tired of it. i'm surrounded by people who are bending over backwards to make things better for me and i will be grateful for them. i will also work hard at making things better for them.
It's time for a change. A change in the way i view things. i'm going to get off my rear and take some responsibility for myself. i might not become the sort of person who actually enjoys playing with crabby children and doesn't pray for nap time, but i will become a person who can deal with everyday life, the way it is now, not viewed in the way of how it needs to change.
i'm no longer on the verge. Things may or may not get better but i've decided that today, the way it is now, is ok. For better or for worse i will enjoy where i'm at, because i'm never getting today back.
So i'm off to sort through summer clothes and i will get interrupted and not come back to it and i'll have a huge pile on my bed to deal with when it's time to go to sleep. And that will be fine.
With God's help, i will get through today. Because today ain't bad at all.