So i'm taking David in to the doctor today. Ever since he had his shots last Tuesday, he's just been...different. He had a fever, which was to be expected. It went away. However, since then, he hasn't been very interested in food, a definite change for him. He's also started taking really long naps, and being pretty cranky between naps. For example, he woke up this morning at 7:30, like normal. He then was ready for a nap by 9:30 (which seems early to me and has only been like that this week) and slept until 1:30 PM: a 4-hour nap after being awake only 2 hours. He's not been as cheerful as normal, and has been very clingy and wants me to hold him, but once i hold him, he squirms and tries to get away. This has been going on for a week and i miss my little manster! So i called the nurse line, and i'm taking him in in 2 hours to check if he's got an ear infection. i just don't think he does. Anyway, i hope the doctor figures it out, so i can get my happy-go-lucky boy back!
Kris has been working 75 hours/week: about 40 hours more than he was a month ago. So, understandably he's been stressed out. But he's been so snappy with me, and i wish it would stop. He needs a lot of patience with me lately, which is partly due to my flaws, but also he just seems to think i shouldn't need to ask him questions, that i should just automatically know what his work schedule is for the week or what car we should take or when i can use our account for grocery shopping. We keep arguing over stupid stuff, and he's stressed and can't deal with it, and i'm WAY emotional lately and can't deal with it either. i just wish i could do everything right so he'd be happy again, but i know it's not all me. i know his work schedule just sucks for him right now, and it will take his a lot of adjustment to get used to the new lifestyle.
And i've been crying all the time. i can now brush my teeth without gagging, but it has been replaced with crying every time i watch tv, and i just can't seem to do anything i should do. i'm barely holding it together lately. Have any of you guys ever gone through family situations like this? i have wonderfully supportive people around me who bring me tons of encouragement, but when it comes to Kris' and my relationship, i think it's between us and God.
Is there anything you think i could do to alleviate some of the tension around here? That doesn't cost money? i'd love to send Kris to Valleyfair or Gameworks with a friend, but i'm selfish, because the only day off he has is Sunday, and i want to spend the time with him. Plus those places cost money. No matter how much i say i appreciate him, it doesn't matter, because he's not a verbal guy, so slipping the "i love you, thanks for all you do for us" card into his lunch doesn't do much.
i really love him. And he super loves me. How can two people who feel that strongly about each other have such distance between them? Is this a part of being married that i didn't know about?
Test blog Justone?
1 month ago
7 comments:
Ohh, I really hope David gets better whether it be an ear infection or just something else small. I'm sure that will help with the stress around the house.
I'm guessing it's absolutely necessary for Kris to work that many hours or he wouldn't be huh? If it's not needed for him to work that much I would say don't. However I know it's hard to survive on one income sometimes. Do you guys still get to see each other during the day? Is he verbal at all? I mean does he express his feelings about feeling stressed? I know my husband will hold things in until he just explodes and until he explodes I have no clue anything is wrong. But if I can get him to actually speak what is in his head it helps.
Maybe you could cook him his favorite meal and make it all nice at home. Dress up, put out candles, anything to make it different. Sometimes food speaks directly to a man's heart.
I've been emotional a lot lately too, it's just part of being pregnant and sometimes there is nothing I can do to control it. I know the days that I read my Bible and pray a lot go a lot better than those days that I forget.
I guess I don't really have much advice, but hang in there. I'll keep you in my prayers.
I'm so sorry, Little. (((hugs))) I hope little David gets better soon!
It seems to me that Kris is feeling drained and stressed. (Captain Obvious, that's me!) But really, 75 hours/week is a LOT of hours--twice the amount a regular working adult works per week. I know how cranky Erich can be after a long day at work, and that's just him needing to decompress. Maybe all of Kris's extra time needs to go toward solitary decompression. Like you said, it's between you two and God, but I'd venture a guess that his stress only seems directed at you because you're there. Hang in there, sweetie, and keep the lines of communication open!
Jess,
First of all, yes... this is a normal part of marriage that you didn't know about. As sucky as that sounds, it's actually good news. Your marriage is normal and can be happy.
I understand the frustration with not knowing a schedule for your hubby's job. That has probably been the single biggest conflict starter in my marriage. Billy is just horrible at letting me know things. One way we try to work around this is by sharing Google calendars. He puts any night-time meetings on his work calendar, and I have access to it from home 24/7.
Another thing that has helped is that I have tried to take an attitude of serving my husband. What can I do to make home a less stressful place for him to come to?
This doesn't mean that he's not doing things to escalate problems, but the only person we can control is ourselves.
So, I would probably suggest some kind of family calendar for schedules, and maybe just talk to him about giving each other grace right now.
Lastly (sorry this is so long!), I would say try to let him go out with his friends now. After the baby's born, you're gonna need him home even more than you do now. So, he'll need to feel like you've been understanding in the past in order to realize that you're not just controlling his time.
Sorry if this is too much. I'm not trying to be know-it-all, just letting you hear some things that have worked for us.
God bless...
OK ... for sure Kris is stressed out if he's working that much and you are hormonal right now, so everything is going to seem like a big deal and you're going to take it to heart. I don't know if I have any advice except to sit down with Kris and tell him how you feel. Every marriage goes through things like this, especially when hubby is stressed out at work.
Do let us know how the doctor's appt. went. Poor David.
Yes, this is a VERY normal part of marriage!!! It happens. You are pregnant and hormonal, kris is overworked and tired. You mix those two things along with a toddler in there... you're bound to get tension/stress.
Maybe ask him what you can do for him to help alleviate some stress (maybe there is some small thing like getting clothes out for him or packing a lunch) that will help him out a million)
I hope David is feeling better. he prpbably has a bug, or is teething, or has an ear infection - you know how the list goes on and on.
Yikes! So many stressful things going on right now. I'll be keeping ya in my prayers.
One thing that caught my attention was how you said Kris isn't a verbal guy, so slipping those notes to him or telling him how much you appreciate him doesn't do much.
That totally reminded me of a book I had to read during our premarital counseling, called "The five love languages."
Essentially, people feel loved in different ways. Some people crave physical affection, others crave words of affirmation & encouragement. Or, spending quality time together. Or they love it when they get a special gift or love trinket. The last one is called acts of service, and that person feels most loved when their loved ones do things to help them out.
Maybe you could borrow that book from the library and figure out what his love language is. Hope that helps a little!
And I hope lil David gets better soon!
Seems like your family is on an emotional overload. Patience and time is going to be the best medicine for the both of you right now. If you have anyone that can watch David for you maybe you could pack a lunch and have a picnic at a park just you and Kris some Sunday. Good luck Kiddo!! Hang in there!!
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